The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
