i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
