My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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