someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
