is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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