I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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