so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
