I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
