This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
