I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
