she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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