Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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