Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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