grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize