You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
