he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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