stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
