Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
