So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
