i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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