spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
