1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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