Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
