So drunk, too bad you don't want this
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize