I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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