In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
