What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize