Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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