Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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