in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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