I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
