so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
