I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
