I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
