She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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