First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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