I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
