can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
