so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
