i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
