I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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