I puked a lego.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
