I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
