i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
