I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
