Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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