we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
