they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
