Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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