Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
