YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
