We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
