They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Green mimosas i think yes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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