he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize