Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
