All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
