no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
