booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
