She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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