the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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