there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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