I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
