FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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