I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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