thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
