erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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