Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
