I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
