she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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