I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
