People in love make me want to vomit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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