Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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