There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have already put on my inside pants.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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