What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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