just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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