I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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