i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i love accidental penises.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
