nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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