I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
